27 July 2014

Old Fashioned Ladies Aren't Perfect; Did You Know?

My life's not perfect. (Shocker.) 

Nobody's life is perfect. (Even more shocking?)

We all understand that, don't we?

Here's the thing: We mostly just post the good stuff on Facebook or Instagram or in our blogs, because it's nice to share a happiness with someone, share a smile, try to uplift, instruct, even make aware of something that you just found out that you think someone else might find interesting or helpful too.

I find it interesting that that's what God wants us to do - encourage, lift up, admonish even from time to time. Share prayer requests and answered prayers. It's not actually bragging or trying to show someone else up. (Of course, some folks do, but they're so obvious.) Your average friend is just like you, and really is just trying to share ... something. Maybe even trying to serve. But sometimes when we think too much about serving ourselves and comparing ourselves with some fancy of "perfection", we might start thinking that when someone "gets" something that we struggle with, that they're showing off.

But, see, don't ever compare yourself with scattered comments and the occasional photo on Facebook or Twitter or any other social media. Those are just passing smiles or lessons shared - not entire lives. Same goes for awesome authors and guest speakers and, ahem, even preachers and their wives. Whether they're bragging or just sharing, it's just a moment or a thought, after all. And you can't strive to be Nancy Leigh DeMoss or Max Lucado, for example, because, not only are they not perfect themselves, those people are already taken. You can't be them. You be you. Imperfections and all.

Once we get that sorted in our minds - and don't berate anyone for not putting all their laundry out on the internet so you can see that they're not perfect; you just gotta know that everybody's not perfect - then we can begin to look more clearly at a big picture of a world of people, of a big family perhaps, who all are different, carrying on with their own lives, many of whom are just reaching out to connect from time to time.

Admission: I used to have trouble with all the "my wonderful kid", "my wonderful husband," "my wonderful church," "my wonderful pet," etc. posts too - sometimes - until I started truly rejoicing with those who rejoice... and mourning with those who mourn. Putting my own jealousy aside for a moment and realizing that those star jump-roping kids might have trouble with a math or foreign language or getting along with each other; those cool husbands got that post because they only cleaned that kitchen or brought those flowers ONE TIME; that really cute dog regularly poops in the backyard and has to be cleaned up after ... Now this is NOT that I rejoice in others' sorrows, but that I KNOW that we "brag" about some things because the whole rest of life is just sort of average, like everyone else goes through. That is, full of troubles AND joys. There is a time to weep. There is also a time to rejoice with others.

I wish I could thank all the moms who post cute little pictures that make us smile, thank all the pet lovers whose little furry and scaly friends make them laugh, thank all those students who keep sharing that something new they learned even if I think I've learned it before. I want to thank all those folks who share simple prayer requests, because it shows a faith in the love and prayers of friends, and the knowledge that God hears our prayers and knows what we need before we even ask or go into detail, and a love and trust for the others who they have reached out to.

Here's another thing to think about: Some young men and women actually think that they have to look like supermodels because that's what media portrays. Now, most of us get it, that we don't have to look that, or else we'd all really look like those poor models. There's hope in that fact that we don't! We really do - most of us - know that nobody's perfect.

If only people would look at the snapshots of the lives of friends and mentors online in the same way - that we're not going to look like our idea of "perfection" on earth - and just get on with living in the great corner where we are with the great gifts we've got.

I've got a beautiful niece/cousin who needs to know that she is beautiful inside and out. Several friends who also suffer from time to time because they don't know this. People I barely know but read about and hear about who have stared so long and so hard at a fantastic unreality that they have confused that unreal place as a goal - but since it doesn't exist, they are thwarted and frustrated and depressed every day of their lives! Beauty, peace, love, hope, purity, JOY - they just are. You can't control them and make them appear at your bidding. Grasp that reality? We're just little people in a great big world after all. That shouldn't make us feel lost, but rather, as children, cared for. We don't have to have or do it all. We just don't have to.

So, does going online or watching TV make you feel "inferior"? Please remind yourself that those images are temporary, abbreviated, sometimes even airbrushed pictures of only a small part of life - but they are not the dirty, busy, troublesome, crazy and sometimes even scary life that is intricate and real and all around all of us. That life is dirty so we can clean up and find the pure and true. Busy so that we can know to strive for peace. Troublesome so that we can remember that we need each other; others need us as much as we need them, even if they don't "look" like they do! Life is crazy sometimes, emphasizing the fact that there is a sane and sober and mature standard to keep working toward. Maturity - that's what's out there. And sometimes, I think life is even scary, and unnerving, to remind us that we don't want to live in fear and anxiety, and so we'll keep on reaching and searching for the strength and goodness that goes beyond understanding because it's from beyond this place. Because there is Something More. Something Better. If this life truly were perfect, wouldn't you just want to stay here for ever? But there is a Place for us.

I could stop trying to encourage others to grow in their faith, or hope, or love, or joy or peace... because I'm not perfect, so why should they listen? And they might see that I'm not perfect and ridicule me and not listen anyway. All of us could do that. Just stop encouraging. Stop trying. Stop living. We're never going to be whatever our idea of perfect is anyway.

No. That's the problem. We aren't here to be some feeble human idea of perfect. We're here to live. To learn. To grow. To help others along the way. To walk together and talk together. To sing together, cry together, laugh together. How dare we look at one another and think, "well, they're not my idea of perfect, so I want nothing to do with them." Or to think of ourselves, "well, I'm not my idea of perfect, so I'm not worthy of anything." How haughty, really. How proud we are to think that we know so much. How dare we "put on airs," and compare ourselves with some imagined idea of perfection and decide that since no one is then we just don't have time for them, or even ourselves.

How about this: the next time someone posts about their honour student, instead of wondering if your kid could beat up their kid, why not be happy with them? Share some of their joy, since you can't seem to find any for yourself.

How about the next time you start thinking that someone else has a perfect life, you say a prayer for them, because there is something that you don't know about.  Pray for the ones that belittle you, including yourself, that we'll all find the truth about things. Pray for the ones that are giving you advice, even if they aren't perfect themselves - because you know, they wouldn't give you advice, however clumsily they do it, however off the advice might seem, if they didn't care about you. Would you remember that?

How about instead of whining about the person that keeps whining, you mourn with them. Walk a mile in their moccasins. With them, or without their knowledge even. Mourn with them.

How about you remember that your life isn't perfect and neither is anyone else's. Don't be jealous of their supposed "greener pastures". Don't be envious and try to work out how to take what is theirs away from them. Just smile with them, and rejoice with them. Remember that they may have some obstacle in their life that you wouldn't be able to handle even if you were paid to do it.

Remember that Jesus, the Son of God Almighty, went through an awful lot because God Loves You, and doesn't desire that any should perish, but that all would come to eternal life.

How about you remember that this world just isn't your eternal home, nor anyone else's. It's not perfect, in any sense of the word.

Someday, our lives will be perfect, in the Creator's sense of the word perfect.

We all can understand that, can't we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”- 1 Corinthians 13:10-12.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” - 1 John 3:2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;  that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death,  if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule; let us be of the same mind. - Philippians 3


26 June 2014

"i'm old fashioned"

As long as you agree to stay old fashioned with me...



for your listening pleasure.






16 May 2014

Modest Swimsuits for Young Ladies (and the rest of us), Anyone?


Question and ANSWERS, found in a Christian homeschool Facebook list:

"A little off topic, but I thought someone on here might be able to help. I am looking for a website that sells modest swimwear. All the ones that I have found either cater to Islamists or LDS or the swimsuits are made in a dress/skirt style. I'm looking more for something that is a shirt and short set to swim in for myself and my girls. Any ideas? Thanks!"


Here are the replies, with names removed for privacy. Some comments were removed because they didn't add to the discussion list, or simply repeated what someone else had already listed. I added hyperlinks for your ease of search. I also added lots of illustrations.

And if you're wondering, swim shirts are called "rash guards" because they protect the wearer from a rash caused by abrasions, usually of rubbing the chest against a surf board. But they are worn by a great number of other sports folks too, since they are light weight, breathable, quick drying, and durable. If you want to be a real stickler for grammar, a swim shirt is technically different because it's looser fitting than a rash guard.

All of the companies listed below were personal recommendations by individuals to a Facebook list. None of these sellers have compensated me for my time. Just so you know. 




 I have a friend that buys the boys swim trunks for her daughter and then the rash guard top
example of shorts and "rash guard top" , from www.toysrus.com

I get my daugher's and mine from uvskinz.com. They are a little pricey but last for a long time.
photo from www.uvskinz.com

We do the same thing ... Buy a cheap 2-piece (for quick drying and easy bathroom visits), then buy a cute rash guard and boy swim shorts.
example of girls wearing shorts and rash guard suits, from www.platypusaustralia.com

We found some on Land's End website.

We too have used Landsend. We get the swim t-shirts and board shorts. It seems to work for my girls.
image from www.denverpost.com
image from hydrochic.com
Hydrochic.com has many options for women. They are limited for girls wear.

swimsuitsforall.com
[swimsuits for all is a website for plus (read "normal") sized women, and many are somewhat-modest, though not the most modest that many modest dressing women are used to. For grown up girls, give it a perusal. -- OFL] 

Limericki.com is where I get all of mine.
[Lime Ricki Swimwear is also a website for more grown up girls, and has the same level of somewhat-modest that the most modest covering ladies may not be looking for. Definitely more modest than the average two piece. -- OFL]

We wear trunks, or board shorts, and rash guards.

Albionfit.com is really good too, and they have mommy & me styles
[Um, I didn't see any really modest suits here, and the poses of the little girls in bathing suits were a little ... disturbing, to me. If you're used to baby beauty pageants, check this one. I guess. -- OFL]

We also buy boy's board shorts and rash guards. We do wear a one piece under that.


example of board shorts and rash guard top, image from Space Coast Living Magazine 

If you search UV swimwear, it will bring up a number of companies that carry shorts& shirts. We've used coolibar, solartex, & tuga
image from Coolibar.com

image from Solartex.com

image from Tuga Sunwear

Last year I got board shorts from landsend.com and rash guards at swimoutlet.com, but I did see that lands end has rash guards now too.

We've done Lands end too. 

I just do board shorts to the knee and a dark rash shirt over a bathing suit.
I love this image of a whole modest bathing family posted to the blog "Calling Her Blessed" - click to read

Thanks so much for your fantastic suggestions. I will check them out.

Lands end is good, but my mom and I have custom swimsuits from Creations by Savannah (Facebook page and etsy store). Mine is a maternity/nursing top and skirt and my mom's is a swim dress.
modest maternity swimsuit, empire style, from Creations by Savannah

I just found this website too http://www.dressingforhisglory.com/
image of the girls swim body tee from Dressing For His Glory, also made in ladies' sizes

Look in the sports/work-out clothing area at Target. They have these really cute sets that are double layers. The top is a sports bra with an attached tank top that has a band at/below the waist level (this keeps it in place really well while diving/swimming etc.) The bottoms are the mesh kind of shorts...but they have an attached spandex type short underneath. I have used these for two years now. I just had to buy a bigger size for my current pregnant belly and it works GREAT! They still feel like swim wear because of the fabric. I love everything about them! Good luck!!
I couldn't find the sports/yoga top with attached sports bra on the Target.com website, but I did find a lot of references to the Target yoga clothes while searching. It may be worth your while to check the sports clothes section!


image of boys swim shorts and rash guard, from www.target.com 

I got my daughter a swim shirt and shorts at Walmart. Then got a cheap 2 piece to use for under.

I like hydrochic.com.

I got my daughter board shirts off amazon not short ones and a swim shirt too what age are u looking for? Gymboree had some cute modest ones too skirt was to the knee
image from www.snapperrock.com
Creations by Savannah

Did the leggings come with?

... yes. You tell her how long you want the shorts/leggings and how long you want the sleeves (can also be sleeveless). It is two pieces.

Nice to have these resources! I lucked out and found one I loved at a local bargain outlet, but we're still looking for something this year for my 11 year old. She's 5' 4", and on the solid side, so she needs adult sizes. She wants the rashguard type, so happy that she likes being covered up. I heard her polite disapproval over her friend's two piece, and it cracked me up.

I always put my kids in swim tshirts and long swimtrunks. I've never really seen a modest swimsuit

They are not cheap, but excellent quality.

You can have soft cups sewn in, but being large-chested we both just wear a bra under them. Mom says the dress does not float up above her waist at all.

When we have ladies swim nights at my friends house, I've seen others wearing guys swim shorts and those swim/surfer shirts.

womanwithin.com is good. Plus sizes a little pricey but they are doing a lot of deals for memorial weekend

We do one piece surf wetsuits 

My daughter and I do guy's swim trunks (even found a pink pair for her at old Navy last year) and swim shirts. I actually got myself a full blown rash guard that has long sleeves and the material has built in sun protection (got it from Athleta). I burn very easy and skin cancer runs in my family, so it was more for skin protection than modesty sake. I were a tankini top under it for support. I have gotten so many compliments from scantily clad teens, I cracks me up. 

I ordered from http://www.simply-modest.com/posecom/index.php a few years ago. It's held up very well at the beach, pool and tubing the white river in AR. I'm going to have to get another because I've gained so much weight the past few years...
image from Simply-Modest.com

Coolibar! They are pricey but very durable and modest.
Just one combination from Coolibar.com

We buy one piece suits, then buy the "rash guard" surfer type shirts at Walmart or target and then the jogging shorts that are the really light parachute type material that dries quickly. I usually find the shorts at jcpenney in the ladies athletic dept.

Kosher casual
[Kosher Casual has lots of cute modest clothes of all kinds, including workout clothing and accessories for layering and filling in gaps in less modest clothes styles. -- OFL]

Target sells those in a short with skirt overlay but come down upper thigh and a nice shirt style top.

I wear athletic capris & athletic tshirts to swim in (I have found them at Walmart and Target for pretty cheap). I prefer the darker colors so they are not see thru. I also like to buy them a little bit bigger so they fit loosely instead of skin tight.
C9 by Champion® Women's Mesh Capri Pants at Target.com

I have used Lands End for years; recently the selection and quality are a bit less desirable.

Academy always has swim shorts where we live. Have you tried there?

reyswimwear I haven't ordered one yet, but some of them are really cute.
[Rey Swimwear offers modest (old fashioned?) one piece and two piece outfits, in the classy style of Audrey Hepburn. Not necessarily shorts and rashers, but more modest than modern suits. - OFL]

from the kids section at Rey Swimwear

We personally have used Modestly Yours Swimwear http://www.modestlyyoursswimwear.com/. I have ordered from them 2 times and it's basically a custom made swimsuit. They are very friendly and the suits are incredibly well made.
image from Modestly Yours Swimwear

I wear a swim skirt with attached leggings. I got it at undercoverwaterwear. Com. My daughter's wear solid color boy swim shorts and then we find girl swim shirts to Match. Usually find the best selection and price at Wal-Mart. ...they have some cute ones right now

http://www.landsend.com/...

I buy athletic tanks (quick-dry fabric) and wear soccer shorts. Target has a great section of Champion athletic wear. We have also found tennis tanks on sale.

I need to get something like the simply modest suits for my daughter. She generally wears boys swim trunks and a rash guard, but lately she is getting chafing on the inner thighs from the seams of the shorts. I wear below the knee athletic leggings with a tennis skort and a rash guard and a hat to help minimize sunburns.

nicoleeswimwear on etsy, does custom swimwear. Shirts and shorts, or swimdress/legging types. Here's a cute one for a little girl.http://www.etsy.com/.../girls-pre-made-polka-dot-tank...
image from NicoLeeSwimwear

Jennifer Comstock has an etsy shop with really cute modest swimwear. I think it may have been mentioned earlier. You can access it through her blog, www.swimmodest.blogspot.com. I highly recommend.

We have also used modestlyyoursswimwear.com for custom made modest tops and skirts. I've used other shorts with the tops as well.

We have bought from swimmodest.com in older agea and athletic body suits (one piece, tank on top and shorts close to knee on bottom) when girls were little.
image from http://www.swimmodest.com/

[Note that swimmodest.com and swimmodest.blogspot are two DIFFERENT websites. -- OFL]

If you have any additions you'd like to make, or if you are a seller and would like to compensate me for my time in putting this page together with links and photos, let me know in the comments below! :)

    19 March 2014

    Armed Guards in Schools

    Every so often I see a request (usually a shared photo on Facebook, like the one below) suggesting that the US needs military personnel patrolling our schools. But it's a horrible thought to me that my children would be going to a school building needing visible armed guards. It indicates the violent type of country we have become, and looks like a solution you'd find in Israel/Palestine, or some other military zone. Are we really at this point in our history?


    In our recent past, the government called in armed guards to schools to protect black children from violent and ignorant lawbreakers -- which government act was reprehensible, according to then President Eisenhower, who said "It will be a sad day for this country--both at home and abroad-if school children can safely attend their classes only under the protection of armed guards." Presently, in countries like Israel and Palestine, armed guards are placed at some schools to protect the students from political terrorists, who have a few times in the past used school children for their threats.


    Does the US now need the government to call up armed guards to protect our school students, other than a policeman or two in certain school districts, which are located in areas of violence? If so, it seems to me that we are accepting and announcing to the world the fact that the US has become so violent that school students are attending school under fear of terrorist attacks like "3rd world" countries, or countries where ignorant and racist lawbreakers are the norm. But if school shootings are orchestrated by the mentally ill, then are we accepting that the best way to deal with those so diagnosed is to send armed guards to protect children from them rather than addressing their problems? Admittedly, the children of the president of one of the most powerful countries of the world are at risk of terrorism, being kidnapped or threatened in some way while at school, and as such, do actually demand some additional protection. I've also seen tv shows of underworld leaders who employ their own armed guards to protect their children from threats from others during school. Is this kind of protection something the average American child needs? Is our country so depraved? Really?

    Just my opinion, and a "knee jerk reaction" to the mental picture that I get from the various pictures of GI Joe and Captain Commando in army fatigues standing on the rooftops of elementary schools in battle gear, watching over little children who are just trying to get an education.

    23 February 2014

    Bible Word Study: Respect

    With thanks to J Beckley for her outline of how to conduct a Bible word study. And with apologies for the length of this study in a blog entry. It is not really a finished article, but rather a study. Responses and discussions are most welcome and desired.


    Respect. I am concerned about better understanding the idea of how to show respect for others properly, and especially my husband, who is pretty awesome.

    Ephesians 5:33

    Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


    Define.


    Respect in this passage is sometimes translated as the verb "reverence". As in "to revere". A couple of translations I saw used "fear" or "dread" (!).

    The Greek word there is "phobeomai," from "phobeo". Do you recognize "phobia" in there?  Check this out: the total count of this term used in the King James version of the Bible is 93 times. Translated to "fear" 62 times, "be afraid" 23 times, "be afraid of" 5 times, "reverence" 1 time, and miscellaneous understandings 2 other times. Included in the list is this use by the apostle John: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment . He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)  So we are taught over and over not to fear or be afraid of, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, Paul says that wives are to fear their husbands. There are, after all, two other terms which translate to "reverence" which could have been used. 

    Consider the context. 


    Okay, go back and read the entire marriage relationship discussion in Ephesians 5 which Paul used as an example of how we are all to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

    Read what others say.


    Consider what Matthew Henry says in his commentary: "Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation." 

    The early century preacher Chrysostom writes quite a lot on the subject. Consider this portion of his writing on Ephesians (I had to read it through a couple of times):
     "And yet how can there ever be love, one may say, where there is fear? It will exist there, I say, preëminently. For she that fears and reverences, loves also; and she that loves, fears and reverences him as being the head, and loves him as being a member, since the head itself is a member of the body at large. Hence he places the one in subjection, and the other in authority, that there may be peace; for where there is equal authority there can never be peace; neither where a house is a democracy, nor where all are rulers; but the ruling power must of necessity be one. And this is universally the case with matters referring to the body, inasmuch as when men are spiritual, there will be peace. There were “five thousand souls,” and not one of them said, “that aught of the things which he possessed was his own” (Acts iv. 32.), but they were subject one to another; an indication this of wisdom, and of the fear of God. The principle of love, however, he explains; that of fear he does not. And mark, how on that of love he enlarges, stating the arguments relating to Christ and those relating to one’s own flesh, the words, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.” (Ver. 31.) Whereas upon those drawn from fear he forbears to enlarge. And why so? Because he would rather that this principle prevail, this, namely, of love; for where this exists, everything else follows of course, but where the other exists, not necessarily. For the man who loves his wife, even though she be not a very obedient one, still will bear with everything. So difficult and impracticable is unanimity, where persons are not bound together by that love which is founded in supreme authority; at all events, fear will not necessarily effect this. Accordingly, he dwells the more upon this, which is the strong tie. And the wife though seeming to be the loser in that she was charged to fear, is the gainer, because the principal duty, love, is charged upon the husband. “But what,” one may say, “if a wife reverence me not?” Never mind, thou art to love, fulfill thine own duty. For though that which is due from others may not follow, we ought of course to do our duty. This is an example of what I mean. He says, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.” And what then if another submit not himself? Still obey thou the law of God. Just so, I say, is it also here. Let the wife at least, though she be not loved, still reverence notwithstanding, that nothing may lie at her door; and let the husband, though his wife reverence him not, still show her love notwithstanding, that he himself be not wanting in any point. For each has received his own."
    A simpler description of this fear is found in the EasyEnglish Bible Version and Commentary. "The *Greek word ‘respect’ used here is ‘fear’. You might fear someone who frightens you. But it is not that kind of fear. It is about your relationship with someone that you love. You want to please that person. You might do something that will not please him or her. That is what you fear. That is what our relationship with God is like. It is the kind of fear and love that each of us should have towards God. The Bible says that this kind of fear of the *Lord is ‘the beginning of wisdom’. When you fear the *Lord, you start to be wise."


    Scores of discussions and blogs and sermons and articles have been written about the need that men have for respect, and the idea that women need to understand that. Radio's Dr. Laura sums it up in her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", as reviewed at Bible.org:
    " "A good number of men want respect more than love." God knew this when He made us. His commands to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:33 reflects each one's deepest needs: "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Dr. Emerson Eggerichs of LoveandRespect.com points out that this verse commands a husband to love his wife. Why? She needs love like she needs air to breathe. This same verse commands a wife to respect her husband. Why? He needs respect like he needs air to breathe."
    illustration from Dr. Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect"




    And a modern man's understanding of this scripture is well presented in the (sort of long but important) blog article: "Your husband doesn't have to earn your respect," by Matt Walsh.  In one place he explains: "Often, people will say that a husband should only be respected if he “earns” it. This attitude is precisely the problem. A wife ought to respect her husband because he is her husband, just as he ought to love and honor her because she is his wife. Your husband might “deserve” it when you mock him, berate him, belittle him, and nag him, but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised them, even when they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain."


    My analysis.


    Here's something that I wrote to a friend in a response to her issue with the above article. For whatever it might be worth:
    I truly am going to write this with love and respect for you in my heart, and for all those who are living in a hurting relationship. Please don't think I am trying to belittle the porn problem or do some kind of false sympathy thing. Yes, it hurts, it's wrong, it's sinful, and should never be allowed to happen to a relationship. This isn't going to be sympathy or empathy here, but maybe a 'what to do next' response.   
    The problem I have with your issue is that Jesus Christ Himself is an "enabler," by your definition. He loves and respects us in spite of our refusal to repent. He commands us to love and respect our leaders and even our enemies, regardless of their earning it. How could he do that if the respect that he requires is supposed to be earned? And if I turn my other cheek, am I not enabling the one who slapped me to take advantage of me again? I know and admit and agree - it's hard to expect someone to show respect toward a fellow human being simply because he is a human being when said human is behaving like a complete and unrepentant jerk. But we should. Trust can be eroded; liking can be eroded; but love cannot be eroded because Love - God - never fails. I don't have to like the porn-guy, I don't even have to stay married to the cheating guy, or the God hating guy. But I have to love him and respect him, because God is in me. I don't have to buy him more porn (or beer or tobacco or drugs); I don't have to shrug and turn a blind eye to it; I don't have to feel as if it doesn't tear my heart out when he turns to another woman, or anything other than the promise he gave me. But I do have to respect him as a human because that's what God did for me and for all of us. It's hard and I keep working on this false attitude that respect means high regard means he earned it. I don't have to hold a rotten person in high regard as an admirable citizen; I don't think that's even possible for a person who lives in Truth. But a person can respect another person. Jesus died for him, even if he is a jerk. Just like he died for disrespectful me.

    The thing about showing respect is that we're all supposed to show respect to others all the time anyway. It's just very important that we don't forget to show respect and unconditional love to the person that we married, because we're representing Christ and the church, His body.

    http://www.quotesdump.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/the-ultimate-purpose-of-marriage-is-not-to-make-us-happy-but-to-glorify-god-love-quote.jpg
    Love this quote.


    Addendum


    Two last things I'm considering on the subject during this study.

    1 - I just watched the movie "Amazing Love: The Story of Hosea" with my teenaged children. The story of Hosea is just ... amazing, when thinking about unconditional love and respect for those who don't deserve it. (It co-stars Sean Astin of "Lord of the Rings" and "Rudy" fame, and Erin Bethea from "Fireproof", as well as a brief appearance from Sean's mom, Patty. Filmed partly in Nazareth Village, Israel, I and my four young men and women liked it, and I really appreciate the fact that this little known story is illustrated and linked to the story of us so clearly.)

    2 - Paul's letter to the Philippians. Especially chapter 2, which includes:
    So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
    Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
    Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
    Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
    Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life.

    1 Peter 3:8-9

    Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, 
    a tender heart, and a humble mind.
    Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, 
    but on the contrary, 
    bless, 
    for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.