Listen - FamilyLife.com

I like this show. Dennis and Bob are discussing stepping up to the plate of parenting, and fatherhood specifically. Two part show available here:

Listen - FamilyLife.com

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"Turning Hearts Toward Home"

Have you heard of James Dobson?

He's somehow gotten into our world a little bit, don't you think? My Mom read "the strong willed child" - about me! - And the ones about raising boys and discipline about my darling little brother. Way back in the 70s and 80s. I know a lot of people, and church families, have one or two of his books in their library somewhere.

The news reported that Mr. Dobson stepped down from his position at the helm of the huge "Focus on the Family" organization in the US. You might be interested to hear his Joshua-type farewell speech to the group. Doesn't sound as if he's really "retiring" from all work, so I won't word it that way. He's one of those "sweet old guys".

Read or listen at this link: Focus on the Family

Honour thy father . . . - Ephesians 6:2

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. - Proverb Be kind to thy father, for when thou were young, Who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thy innocent glee. - Margaret Courtney Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. - Proverb 1:8-9 It's not an easy thing to be a father here on earth, setting up the idea of what a father is to those who will one day call God their Father in heaven. There are scores of poems written to honour mothers; quotes, songs, pictures and cards. As if we don't acknowledge all the time the need that we all have for a mother. But where are the beautiful poems for fathers? Praise is given to soldiers, to teachers and professors, to firemen and policemen, to doctors, philosophers and explorers, to heroes of the old west... . But where is the praise for the man who teaches his children respect, love, and praise, and holds these to be his most important tasks? Where are the books about the men who gave up the six figure salaries because they realized that it was more important to be there for their family, and taught them to appreciate the love of God and of others first of all? Where are the songs for Dear Old Dad that actually praise his decision making and respect his authority in the home? That acknowledge the heavy responsibilities of being a father, and also expound on the rewards? Where are the poems and lists of the qualities of a great man? We overlook the faults of the mother and hold her to be an angel, but ridicule and belittle Dad because he forgets to put down the toilet seat, or can't show teary emotions. Lift up your heads, oh, Dads! Stand tall and strong, like God made you to be! Don't cower and cringe behind the woman who thinks she can "do it all" - because she really can't! So what if you aren't perfect - neither are the mothers who have all those lovely poems and posies given them every May. Perhaps there are not so many poems for you because as a strong tough non-emotional guy you don't think you need them. You do need our praise and respect. For God commands us both in the Old and New Testaments to honour thy father. I've decided I need to be telling my Husband and my Dad and my Father in Law how much I respect and need them, in things I say and do. And I respectfully remind you to do the same for the men in your life - even those who aren't fathers. They are men, made in the image of God, a little lower than the angels, and we need to show them respect, like fathers and brothers, Paul told Timothy. - LisaM God our Father, in your wisdom and love you made all things. Bless these men, that they may be strengthened as Christian fathers. Let the example of their faith and love shine forth. Grant that we, their sons and daughters, may honor them always with a spirit of profound respect. - found online

Old Fashioned Man

Please condsider this: old fashioned ladies need old fashioned gentlemen - just as they need us. Check the following links:

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Manhood: Let the Truth be Told
series from "Family Life Today" - also see this website for other information on Biblical (i.e. "old-fashioned") men, women and families

My Man, My Protector 6/13/2008 (Day 3 of 3)

Dennis Rainey talks with Promise Keeper President Tom Fortson and his wife of more than 36 years, Toni, about a man's responsibility to protect his family spiritually and physically.

Guests Include: Tom & Toni Fortson

Mentoring the Next Generation 6/12/2008 (Day 2 of 3)

Eliminate the leader--the man from the home, and the family is up for grabs.' Those are the words of Promise Keeper President, Tom Fortson. Tune in to hear Tom share a heartwarming story about his own father's love for him.

Guests Include: Tom & Toni Fortson

Exposing the Truth About Pornography 6/11/2008 (Day 1 of 3)

There's a problem in our midst, and it's destroying our sons. Tom Fortson, president and CEO of Promise Keepers, talks with Dennis Rainey about the widespread problem of pornography.

Guests Include: Tom & Toni Fortson

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Manhood: Let the Truth Be Told (Special Offer)
Every Man's Battle (Paperback)
Manhood: Let the Truth Be Told (Paperback)
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) (Hardback)
Raising a Modern-Day Knight (Paperback)
Manhood: Let the Truth Be Told (FamilyLife Today Audio CD)
Promise Keepers (website)

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See also my blog entry from last Father's Day.

Aggressive Girls

Radio Series: Understanding Aggressive Girls, on FamilyLife Today, with Dennis Rainey

I came across this series on OnePlace.com, conversations between concerned fathers about the influence of aggressiveness in girls. Text messages, phone calls, emails - girls chasing boys, but beyond what some of us know as simply being "boy crazy". What can a parent do for their sons, to train them up to be able to turn away from girls who are not growing up to be "ladies", even those who are supposed to be religious. This is a Christian based discussion, of the "evangelical" persuasion, but so applicable to all who live in a modern world.

"Aggressive girls will occur in your sons' life."

Check out these episodes:

Aggressive Girls
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A New Phenomenon or An Old Problem?
More and more parents are expressing concern about the number of young women actively pursing their sons. On today's broadcast, family expert Dennis Rainey sheds some light on this new phenomenon and coaches parents on what to do when they see it happening.

Warning: Bad Girls Ahead
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Today on the broadcast, best-selling author and speaker Dennis Rainey talks honestly with parents about protecting their sons from overly aggressive girls.

Equipping Your Sons for Battle
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Would your son know what do to if he was propositioned by a member of the opposite sex? What about a member of the same sex? Today on the broadcast, Dennis Rainey, author of numerous books including Parenting Today's Adolescent and Interviewing Your Daughter's Date, speaks frankly to parents about equipping sons to handle aggressive girls.

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Read the Proverbs, chapters 5-7. From chapter 7:

My son, keep my words,
And treasure my commands within you.
Keep my commands and live,
And my law as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your nearest kin,
That they may keep you from the immoral woman,
From the seductress who flatters with her words.

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You may also want to check out these books, for families with children about 7-12 (or so), called "The Princess and the Kiss" and "The Squire and the Scroll", from Revive Our Hearts. We just got them, and they really seem to be a good resource for helping to teach purity.

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How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. - Psalm 119:9

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How Shall The Young Secure Their Hearts? - all verses by Isaac Watts, old music version with midi

Stay At Home Dads

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A dear young Brother in Christ wrote to me and asked the following:

"There's this very strange movement that is recently emerging into the scene and showing its ugly head on the internet blogspots. I think you've mentioned it to me before but there are actually men out there (human beings of the male sex) who are actually remaining home and looking after the kids, housework and such while their wives are out earning an income. They're called "stay-at-home dads", it sounds extremely outlandish and absurd, I couldn't really believe that there were such men who would make such an outrageous choice. But anyways, it is a matter of fact and they're growing rather rapidly and have increased quite astronomically. I think there are approximately two million alone in the United States if I'm not mistaken. I wanted to inquire into this so I went to google it, but did not find anything sound from the Christian webpages. It is also a lamentable fact that many churches are actually condoning it, and there are many actual professing bible-believing "christians" who are going down this path. Do you know anything of this? Or is the media hype a bit exaggerated? Do you have any Christian articles that debunks this movement?"

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I posted the letter anonymously in a private discussion group and received a great deal of feedback, which I include below.

But first, what does the scripture say?


Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

1 Peter 3 "7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Also read: Proverb 31, 1 Corinthians 11 and the contentious woman Proverbs: 25:24; 21:19; 19:13; 27:15 which deal with the woman leaving her role.

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The following are comments that were made by Christian women to my personal blog:

"Titus 2 says that older women are to teach younger women to be keepers at home (busy at home, working at home). Therefore, any man who takes on the woman's role is effeminate (taking on the female role/qualities) and emasculated (putting off the male role/qualities). Such a man is defiant against God's design for male and female roles (perhaps out of ignorance).

I Timothy 5 teaches that it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his wife, children, and relatives. Paul says that a man who fails to work and provide is worse than an unbeliever."

"A person that has not decided to stop living for themselves and live for Christ will not be ready to accept this teaching.

One of the greatest consequences of this switch in roles manifests it self in the lack of spiritual leaders that are ready to fight spiritual battles. Our men need to be on the front lines of this battle: Ephesians 6:10-20, Romans 10:14-17, 1 Timothy 3:1-13, 2 Timothy 4:5. When we take our warriors and keep them at home we are setting ourselves up for certain loss."

"Perhaps a warning could read: Men, be strong and courageous ... LEAD! Women, be strong and courageous, stop controlling and let them lead! It takes more courage and strength to be led than it does to be in control."

"One friend wrote anonymously, and I wanted to share the thought, since many men have been forced into this situation: "Due to his physical disabilities, [a man I know] was forced into this role out of necessity and HATED it. I can't fathom why any self-respecting man would choose it.""

"I believe part of it is because the feminist movement has taught women to be unhappy with the best career in the world, to be a homemaker and/or mother.

I do not believe that it is wrong for a woman to earn money, the worthy woman obviously did, but I believe its obvious from those scriptures it was from things that she made at home because of all of the other things she did, it is quite the undertaking to do all of the mentioned and hold a job outside of the home.

There is nothing new under the sun, there had to be a reason there were scriptures admonishing women how they should act (Titus 2, Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11, etc.). God did not create us equal, he sees us as equal in the respect that our souls are valued the same, but he made us different. He has specific rules laid out for both genders and for a while I resisted them because I had friends and the world telling me that I shouldn't be happy staying at home even without children. It is so hard to do good for others, to fulfill my role as a wife and a Christian woman without being at home.

Now I understand that there are some circumstances where the woman must work, but I believe they are over exaggerated, if we would stop listening to society and live within our means."

"I think the outgrowth of the stay-at-home dads is just the natural (really unnatural) progression of the feminist movement. If women ARE actually the SAME as men, why not? (said facetiously.)

The fact of the matter is that this is not the Lord's plan. Women are to be home keepers, men the providers. That's the way God designed it.

And I believe that there is a REASON for this design, beyond the natural order of authority. Men grow into Godly men by carrying the burden of provision for their families. They sacrifice self, and learn many godly characteristics as they bear their responsibility to lead and provide for their families. In the same way, we wives grow more godly as we lay our lives down in service to our families. I believe that this is the explanation for the verse in I Tim. that speaks of women being "saved in childbearing." "

"It seems a natural progression that with women taking on the role of provider that men would take on the primary role of keepers at home (Titus2-role for women). However, I would like to see an increase in the time that the fathers spend at home. A father need not neglect his responsibilities to the rearing and instruction of his children because he is fullfilling obligations as the breadwinner. Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is certainly hard to do with fathers spending only 6.4 hours (I think I read that was the average now) a week with their children."

"While I wholeheartedly promote the biblical example, I do like the trend today that was absent in the era of my childhood that fathers actually spend time with their kids and know them, thus knowing what they need."

"I think Dads who stay at home and "work from home" are still providing for their families, and not "kicking the wife out" of her place either, for the most part. The movement of the "home office" seems to be a pretty good one to me, in the sense that it will have fathers around their children to bring them up properly. I think the question above to be addressed really concerns the man who claims to be a man of God, and who chooses to send his wife into the world to make money for the family, while he stays at home to manage the home and children. "

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Also - I came across this blog article (in Jess' Making Home blog) discussing this same topic: "It Starts With the Head", by Terry, who writes the blog "Ornaments of Grace". I encourage you to read this article and the comments made to it for more old fashioned, Christian thought and encouragement in this matter.

Volumes could be written, but very little will be said in the end that can go beyond the simplicity of Genesis 2:18. As one lady pointed out, those who do not have a Godly mindset will not understand this subject, as it comes from the authority of holy scriptures.

(To myself, I wonder how many honest non-believers though can look at the evidence of the world's experience and science, psychology and tradition, and not see the truth of these things: that there is a way that is best, and to ride that smooth path is actually easier and more peaceful in the end than to fight it on the ground of selfish ambition.)

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A Christian Brother also responded to my post: "Except for brief periods of time, e.g. school, or if the husband is disabled and cannot do work outside the home (although I would inquire whether some business could be conducted from the home)." If the problem is that Dads aren't nurturing their children, and that's the reason that a man chooses to "stay at home", then it seems reasonable to expect that he won't sacrifice his wife's responsibilities or the family well being by leaving all work. I did come across one interesting blog/website encouraging Dads to stay at home with their kids by working from their home. Called "Christian Work at Home Dads". It's really not that hard.

"What I Wish For My Girls"

Every father wants the best for his children. I have two lovely daughters, and I love them dearly. Here are some things that I wish for them:

I wish them to be friendless -- If friendship with the world leads to the loss of their soul (1 Corinthians 15:33). Godly, moral friends are a wonderful thing, but the wrong friends will pull one to their side in the pursuit of sin (Proverbs 1:10-16).

I wish for them to be poor -- If they cannot resist the love of money, and it leads them to sin (1 Timothy 6:10). There is nothing inherently wrong with money, and financial security from a well managed life is a good thing, but wealth for wealth's sake can foster materialism. My daughters can go to heaven if they are poor, but they will be lost if they love the world and the things in the world (1 John 2:15-16).

I wish for them to be unfashionable -- If to be fashionable means that they have to dress like the world (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-4). There is nothing so beautiful as a modestly dressed girl who displays a gentle and quiet spirit by the clothing she wears. And there is nothing so repulsive as a gaudy girl who chooses the attire of a harlot (Proverbs 7:10).

I wish for them a single life -- If they think it is necessary to marry a man who will lead them away from the Lord. I pray that my girls will find and marry godly men who want to love them as Christ loved the church, and who wants to be the head of the house, leading my daughters and their children to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-29; Ephesians 6:4). But I would rather them live a single life than to choose a hateful, unfaithful, undisciplined, man who will not lead the home.

My list may seem strange, but it is not. What I want is for my daughters to have good friends, to be secure, to be pretty, and to be married. But, I want them to go to heaven more, so I want them to have all of these things in accordance with God's rules.

(Found on the internet)
(Illustration of Clemens and his daughters by F. Luis Mora from SUNDAY MAGAZINE, Nov. 17, 1907, found at TwainQuotes)

The Old Fashioned Father

What is an "old fashioned father"? Can you type it into your search engine and find a good answer? This became my quest: to find someone willing to tell us what the great men of old did to become good fathers. Or at least, if they were not good, what kind of fathers were they? (Now, I love Tevye, from "Fiddler on the Roof. " Maybe he's not the perfect father, but he was a little old fashioned. No?)

The Old Fashioned Fathers

I suppose not everyone can sit down and just read Emily Post's (1873–1960) writings on Etiquette, from 1922. But she does have a few things to say about the gentlemanly behaviour of fathers. Here, from Chapter XXXVI : Every-Day Manners at Home:

No child will ever accept a maxim that is preached but not followed by the preacher. It is a waste of breath for the father to order his sons to keep their temper, to behave like gentlemen, or to be good sportsmen, if he does or is himself none of these things.
. . .

Any number of busy men scarcely know their children at all, and have not even stopped to realize that they seldom or never talk to them, never exert themselves to be sympathetic with them, or in the slightest degree to influence them. To growl “mornin’,” or “Don’t, Johnny,” or “Be quiet, Alice!” is very, very far from being “an influence” on your children’s morals, minds or manners.

HOME EDUCATION
A Supreme Court Justice whose education had been cut short in his youth by the Civil War, when asked how, under the circumstances, his scholastic attainments had been acquired, answered: “My father believed it was the duty of every gentleman to bequeath the wealth of his intellect, no less than that of his pocket, to his children. Wealth might be acquired by ‘luck,’ but proper cultivation was the birthright of every child born of cultivated parents. We learned Latin and Greek by having him talk and read them to us. He wrote doggerel rhymes of history which took the place of Mother Goose. He also told us ‘bed-time stories’ of history, and read classics to us after supper. When there was company, we were brought down from the nursery so that we might profit by the conversation of our betters.”

Old Fashioned Fathers Today

If I were to sum up the manners lesson above and what I think of as a true gentleman into what a modern "old fashioned father" should be, I suppose I would say that he is to be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. Wait, that sounds like a listing for an older man who desires to be an overseer in the church. Well, it sounds like a great father too.

Some people think that trying to follow those above virtues would be difficult. Okay, don't read them as if they're in the Bible, but just as some good qualifications to be a good Dad. Look up the word "Fatherhood" on your search engine, and you'll find a lot of information that will help you to find an ideal father. I can't vouch for all the content at the following sites, but try:

The National Center for Fathering, at Fathers.com
Fathers for Life
The Father's Network
The National Fatherhood Initiative, at fatherhood.org
The Fatherhood Foundation, at fatherhood.org.au

It seems to me that there is an awareness of the longing and need for valiant fathers to come to our rescue, and protect our homes and families. It sounds a little old-fashioned. But of course, I like that.