Bible Word Study: Respect

With thanks to J Beckley for her outline of how to conduct a Bible word study. And with apologies for the length of this study in a blog entry. It is not really a finished article, but rather a study. Responses and discussions are most welcome and desired.


Respect. I am concerned about better understanding the idea of how to show respect for others properly, and especially my husband, who is pretty awesome.

Ephesians 5:33

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Define.

Respect in this passage is sometimes translated as the verb "reverence". As in "to revere". A couple of translations I saw used "fear" or "dread" (!).

The Greek word there is "phobeomai," from "phobeo". Do you recognize "phobia" in there?  Check this out: the total count of this term used in the King James version of the Bible is 93 times. Translated to "fear" 62 times, "be afraid" 23 times, "be afraid of" 5 times, "reverence" 1 time, and miscellaneous understandings 2 other times. Included in the list is this use by the apostle John: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment . He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)  So we are taught over and over not to fear or be afraid of, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, Paul says that wives are to fear their husbands. There are, after all, two other terms which translate to "reverence" which could have been used. 

Consider the context. 

Okay, go back and read the entire marriage relationship discussion in Ephesians 5 which Paul used as an example of how we are all to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Read what others say.

Consider what Matthew Henry says in his commentary: "Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation." 

The early century preacher Chrysostom writes quite a lot on the subject. Consider this portion of his writing on Ephesians (I had to read it through a couple of times):

 "And yet how can there ever be love, one may say, where there is fear? It will exist there, I say, preëminently. For she that fears and reverences, loves also; and she that loves, fears and reverences him as being the head, and loves him as being a member, since the head itself is a member of the body at large. Hence he places the one in subjection, and the other in authority, that there may be peace; for where there is equal authority there can never be peace; neither where a house is a democracy, nor where all are rulers; but the ruling power must of necessity be one. And this is universally the case with matters referring to the body, inasmuch as when men are spiritual, there will be peace. There were “five thousand souls,” and not one of them said, “that aught of the things which he possessed was his own” (Acts iv. 32.), but they were subject one to another; an indication this of wisdom, and of the fear of God. The principle of love, however, he explains; that of fear he does not. And mark, how on that of love he enlarges, stating the arguments relating to Christ and those relating to one’s own flesh, the words, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.” (Ver. 31.) Whereas upon those drawn from fear he forbears to enlarge. And why so? Because he would rather that this principle prevail, this, namely, of love; for where this exists, everything else follows of course, but where the other exists, not necessarily. For the man who loves his wife, even though she be not a very obedient one, still will bear with everything. So difficult and impracticable is unanimity, where persons are not bound together by that love which is founded in supreme authority; at all events, fear will not necessarily effect this. Accordingly, he dwells the more upon this, which is the strong tie. And the wife though seeming to be the loser in that she was charged to fear, is the gainer, because the principal duty, love, is charged upon the husband. “But what,” one may say, “if a wife reverence me not?” Never mind, thou art to love, fulfill thine own duty. For though that which is due from others may not follow, we ought of course to do our duty. This is an example of what I mean. He says, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.” And what then if another submit not himself? Still obey thou the law of God. Just so, I say, is it also here. Let the wife at least, though she be not loved, still reverence notwithstanding, that nothing may lie at her door; and let the husband, though his wife reverence him not, still show her love notwithstanding, that he himself be not wanting in any point. For each has received his own."

A simpler description of this fear is found in the EasyEnglish Bible Version and Commentary. "The *Greek word ‘respect’ used here is ‘fear’. You might fear someone who frightens you. But it is not that kind of fear. It is about your relationship with someone that you love. You want to please that person. You might do something that will not please him or her. That is what you fear. That is what our relationship with God is like. It is the kind of fear and love that each of us should have towards God. The Bible says that this kind of fear of the *Lord is ‘the beginning of wisdom’. When you fear the *Lord, you start to be wise."


Scores of discussions and blogs and sermons and articles have been written about the need that men have for respect, and the idea that women need to understand that. Radio's Dr. Laura sums it up in her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", as reviewed at Bible.org:

" "A good number of men want respect more than love." God knew this when He made us. His commands to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:33 reflects each one's deepest needs: "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Dr. Emerson Eggerichs of LoveandRespect.com points out that this verse commands a husband to love his wife. Why? She needs love like she needs air to breathe. This same verse commands a wife to respect her husband. Why? He needs respect like he needs air to breathe."

illustration from Dr. Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect"

And a modern man's understanding of this scripture is well presented in the (sort of long but important) blog article: "Your husband doesn't have to earn your respect," by Matt Walsh.  In one place he explains: "Often, people will say that a husband should only be respected if he “earns” it. This attitude is precisely the problem. A wife ought to respect her husband because he is her husband, just as he ought to love and honor her because she is his wife. Your husband might “deserve” it when you mock him, berate him, belittle him, and nag him, but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised them, even when they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain."

My analysis.

Here's something that I wrote to a friend in a response to her issue with the above article. For whatever it might be worth:

I truly am going to write this with love and respect for you in my heart, and for all those who are living in a hurting relationship. Please don't think I am trying to belittle the porn problem or do some kind of false sympathy thing. Yes, it hurts, it's wrong, it's sinful, and should never be allowed to happen to a relationship. This isn't going to be sympathy or empathy here, but maybe a 'what to do next' response.   

The problem I have with your issue is that Jesus Christ Himself is an "enabler," by your definition. He loves and respects us in spite of our refusal to repent. He commands us to love and respect our leaders and even our enemies, regardless of their earning it. How could he do that if the respect that he requires is supposed to be earned? And if I turn my other cheek, am I not enabling the one who slapped me to take advantage of me again? I know and admit and agree - it's hard to expect someone to show respect toward a fellow human being simply because he is a human being when said human is behaving like a complete and unrepentant jerk. But we should. Trust can be eroded; liking can be eroded; but love cannot be eroded because Love - God - never fails. I don't have to like the porn-guy, I don't even have to stay married to the cheating guy, or the God hating guy. But I have to love him and respect him, because God is in me. I don't have to buy him more porn (or beer or tobacco or drugs); I don't have to shrug and turn a blind eye to it; I don't have to feel as if it doesn't tear my heart out when he turns to another woman, or anything other than the promise he gave me. But I do have to respect him as a human because that's what God did for me and for all of us. It's hard and I keep working on this false attitude that respect means high regard means he earned it. I don't have to hold a rotten person in high regard as an admirable citizen; I don't think that's even possible for a person who lives in Truth. But a person can respect another person. Jesus died for him, even if he is a jerk. Just like he died for disrespectful me.

The thing about showing respect is that we're all supposed to show respect to others all the time anyway. It's just very important that we don't forget to show respect and unconditional love to the person that we married, because we're representing Christ and the church, His body.

Love this quote.

Addendum

Two last things I'm considering on the subject during this study.

1 - I just watched the movie "Amazing Love: The Story of Hosea" with my teenaged children. The story of Hosea is just ... amazing, when thinking about unconditional love and respect for those who don't deserve it. (It co-stars Sean Astin of "Lord of the Rings" and "Rudy" fame, and Erin Bethea from "Fireproof", as well as a brief appearance from Sean's mom, Patty. Filmed partly in Nazareth Village, Israel, I and my four young men and women liked it, and I really appreciate the fact that this little known story is illustrated and linked to the story of us so clearly.)

2 - Paul's letter to the Philippians. Especially chapter 2, which includes:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life.

1 Peter 3:8-9

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, 
a tender heart, and a humble mind.
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, 
but on the contrary, 
bless, 
for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 

Whom You Marry

I remember my daughter playing the computer game, "Barbie as Princess Bride" when she was very little. Not to be confused with the movie "The Princess Bride," this is a game for little girls to practice sorting and following directions and matching, and playing dress up, while pretending to get Barbie ready for her wedding. Unfortunately, one line that Barbie says - which I taught my little girls was so silly - was her reply to the Prince's question: "Will you marry me?"

screen shot from Barbie as Princess Bride, from Moby Games

She gushes, "Oh, yes! This is going to be the best wedding ever!" 

The best wedding . . . er, he asked you to marry him, not to throw him a party that he probably doesn't even want to attend. And thus, the must-have formal party pressure continues.

And, yes, even though my daughters today are not dressing like Barbies, they do enjoy designing dresses and outfits when they doodle. Maybe that's a good thing, since it's difficult to find a ready-made design for a dress that's modest in both ways at the same time. 

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So, before you plan the "best wedding ever"  . . . 

Please read the following articles. Marriage is so much more than the formal dinner party that so often comes with it, no matter how stressful a wedding can be. Marriage is a major decision because it will change your life. Even for those who intend to "bail" if it doesn't work, marriage will change your life. If you intend not to give up and have made the decision to marry for life, please consider the words of the following two articles.

There are two parts: one for women and one for men. If you are a young person, please read these and carefully consider printing your article out and hanging it your bedroom wall. Read both of them, and determine that you will be the one that "the good one" wants to marry as well.

It Matters Whom You Marry

thechristianpundit.org

Guys, It Matters Whom You Marry, Too

thechristianpundit.org

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And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

Keep Calm and Carry On

" . . . do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls."

Reading about Elizabeth and Zacharias in Luke 1 - talk about perseverance and confidence. Did you know that Elizabeth's name means "God's promise"? Think of Elizabeth's life of loveliness, as she lived by faith, not by sight. “And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years." 

Can this be said of us? That we are righteous, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord - even without considering the grace of Christ, for remember that Elizabeth and Zacharias lived in the days before God came to earth as a man to provide that grace of son-ship and forgiveness to us. In spite of watching all their friends and relatives with their babies while they had none of their own, seeing blessings which it seemed that they had somehow been denied, they stayed true and faithful. "Anyway", some might add.

No matter what, never give up. Never surrender.

Consider this:

 

How Does He Know That You Love Him?

". . . teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children. . ." (Titus 2:3-4)

Something to listen to today, if you have a half hour, or you can read the transcript:

"Letting God shape your husband...", from Revive Our Hearts.

I think you could get something out of that in learning how to let God take care of your child, your best friend, that person you worship with...

"He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not expect his fellow Christians to be anything more [including your husband]. He overlooks ten thousand of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature, and, therefore, he is not disappointed when he does not find it." - Charles Spurgeon

The lesson from the day before this one, on how to love your husband is really good too.

Remember Tevye and Golde from "Fiddler on the Roof"?

Doing Good

I think this lesson applies to single women who need to remember to respect and earn trust from their fathers and spiritual elders as well, so don't mark this off as a married woman thing only.


Did you ever read Proverbs 31:11-12 from the Amplified Bible - which takes several translations of the original language and combines them to get a closer possible understanding of the passage?

The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

My husband is a good man, very devoted to God and to his family, very loving and concerned for our Christian Family. He has an enormous weight on his mind and shoulders, from the responsibility given him by the Lord, whether he lives up to it perfectly or not. He loves me, regardless of whether I'm perfect or not. And I need to respect him and love him as well. Because God loves us first - so who are we to be so judgmental of others? And why do I want to give anyone, especially the person that I live with, more troubles, when I am supposed to be encouraging? I do not want to break my husband's trust in me, so I don't share problems, or secrets. And he knows that I would rather build him up in public, rather than makes jokes about him which would put him down. At least he should know that. :)

But... what if he were way less than perfect? I remember wondering when I was single, if I wound up with a louse or simply someone who didn't seem to care, could I be like Abigail, or Deborah, or Timothy's mother, and do the Right thing anyway. Of course, not being in that position, and being full of youthful zeal, I assumed that - even if he was abusive, I would be in prayer and study. Even if he kept me from a church family, I would be strong. But I know that even with the great guy I live with, and the church Families that have encouraged us so, I have had many times of personal weakness, when I return mean word for mean word, I expect more of him than myself, I don't do what I know that I should for some personal pet peeve... not considering him, but only interested in defending Myself. But, I still have a purpose and responsibility myself, to do good, regardless of how I perceive myself to be treated.

Here is another quote:

"Now, by saying that, I don’t necessarily mean absolutely. There are times when to do good to a husband may mean to appeal to the appropriate authorities at the church or the civil authorities. If a husband is breaking the law, to do him good is to get him into a position where he can be helped by the law, or restrained by the law, or by the church authorities." - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I think that this makes sense. God never commanded us, through Proverbs or through Jesus Christ or the Apostles of the New Testament, as women, to merely "sit down and shut up", to be servile huntin' dogs who grovel at a cruel dictator's feet and still lick his hand after he's kicked us in the head. Jesus did not command that of men or of women. Look it up - that's not what "doing good" is all about, and it isn't what "submission" is all about.

Neither do I "do good" just because he "does good" to me first. That's the wrong motivation, if I'm just trying to "50-50" our relationship. I heard once that a marriage (or any Christian relationship really) should be "100-100": I give everything, you give everything. I can't expect the other person to give everything if I'm holding back. And if he's holding back? Where does the Bible say anything about "submitting to one another in the fear of Christ, but only when it's entirely equal submission between believers"?

"Doing good" so that I can be trusted is something for all women, daughters, men, husbands and even elders in the church. This isn't one of those "married with children ladies' class topics". This is for everybody. See Galatians 2:20 and Colossians 3.

Verse 23-24 reads: "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." And the whole chapter shows how we can as Christians in general show love and trust for one another, with a lesson for wives by example mentioned in the listing.

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May I do much better with watching my tongue, that it does good and not evil, to my husband and children, my father and brothers in Christ, and to those to whom I am supposed to be shining the Light from above, so that they can see Him in me.

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Photo above from ScotsIndependent.org - click here and scroll down to read a lovely poem in and old fashioned style about a young woman who married a beggar who turns out to be a knight.

"The Dance"

From "Seeking Him", Friday, August 29 2008:

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: A married couple was telling me about ballroom dancing lessons they’d been taking.

“In order for the dance not to be a total collision, the man has got to lead, and the woman has got to follow. He has to be thinking at least one step ahead, and she has to be tuned in, flexible, and really responsive to the lead.”

I think that’s a picture of biblical manhood and true womanhood. It’s not a rigid set of rules. It’s more like a dance as a husband and wife navigate life together. They create a beautiful work of art as he initiates and she responds.

They both use the gifts God has given them, filled with His Spirit, with Christ at the head and Christ at the center. That’s what marriage was intended to be.

Have you been stepping on your husband’s toes? Ask God to help your marriage reflect His glory by empowering your husband to lead and giving you grace to follow.

What I Want to Be

This is so good. I have a feeling our men would think so too. I'm sorry I don't think this way more. Hoping my sorrow will lead to repentance in this regard.

Oh, I must be away - so much to do!

(image from Addison Galleries)
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The Blue Bowl

All day long I did the little things,
The little things that do not show;
I brought the kindling for the fire,
I set the candles in a row,
I filled a bowl with marigolds—
The shallow bowl you love the best—
And made the house a pleasant place
Where weariness may take its rest.

The hours sped on, my eager feet
Could not keep pace with my desire.
So much to do! So little time!
I could not let my body tire.
Yet when the coming of the night
Blotted the garden from my sight,
And on the narrow graveled walks
Between the guarding flower stalks
I heard your step, I was not through
With services I meant for you.

You came into the quiet room
That glowed enchanted with the bloom
Of yellow flame. I saw your face;
Illumined by the firelit space,
Slowly grow still and comforted—
“It’s good to be at home,” you said.

~ Blanch Bane Kuder

(found at Ladies Against Feminism - please also find time to read the article at this link)

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The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

(is not the writer of Genesis is the master of understatement?)

The High Calling for Noble Ladies

From the latest radio series conversation from (click here:) Revive Our Hearts:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob Lepine: I’ll never forget a conversation I was having once with two college professors. These professors taught what is a dying discipline on the college campus. They were teaching Home Economics. They were meeting with a group of young college women. They said to these women, “How many of you hope that some day you will be married and that you will be parents, that you’ll be a mom?”

And virtually all of the women raised their hands. That was their hope and their longing. And these college professors said, “How come you’re not taking Home Economics classes?” And one of them said, “Because my dad said, ‘I’m not spending all that money sending you to college just so you can learn how to cook and clean the house.’”

We do seem to live in a culture today that is somewhat confused about what God’s intention for a woman is when it comes to career, when it comes to her role in the home, and it’s one of the issues that young women are having to address, having to confront.

In fact, I remember speaking to a group of teenage girls once, talking to them about their plans for going to college, what they were planning to major in, and what they hoped to be doing five or ten years from now. Virtually all of them gave me career answers to that question, and when I stopped and said, “What about marriage and family? Is that something that you’re interested in?” They said, “Oh yeah.” But their thinking was career not how do I prepare to be a wife and a mom.

This is one of those challenging issues for us in today’s culture.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, Dannah, as you talk with teenage girls, as you talk with them today, how is this shaping their thinking, and how is it subtly influencing them in a directional way from what God would have for them?

Dannah: Well, I don’t think it’s very subtle. I think it’s pretty direct. What’s frightening to me is we’ve had the issue of young women saying, “I don’t know if I want to submit to my husband when I have a husband; I don’t know if I really want to have a husband.” Within the last five years or so, they are increasingly saying, “I don’t know if I want to have kids, at all, ever. I haven’t seen that be a good thing. I don’t want to be tied to that. I don’t want to be slowed down.”

It’s frightening to me that this isn’t just a cultural pressure anymore, but it’s something within the church.

Bob: So the lie that teenage girls are believing today is that being a mom, being a wife, is not something that has any real value. Is that it?

Nancy: It’s not just what a woman’s role is, but it goes back to this whole thing of our calling and our design as women, and the fact that God made women and men for distinctive, unique purposes to bring Him glory in this world, that’s what it’s all about. It’s not about our fulfillment or our happiness. I think we had stripped from us, in the last two or three generations, the sense of what it even means to be a woman.

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Honestly, it wasn’t until I was probably in my early twenties that I started grappling with:

• What did it mean?
• What does it mean for me to be a woman?
• Why did God make me a woman?
• Why is that a good thing?
• How can I glorify God as a woman?

I think I was probably in my early thirties before I was really comfortable with that, and not just comfortable. What God did was so sweet. It’s not just something I said, “Okay, I surrender to this.” There was that, but more than that there was embracing a vision for how my life could distinctively glorify God as a woman and finding joy and freedom and fullness in that.

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Please read or listen to the series: (click here:) Revive Our Hearts.

Men and Women - Love and Respect

For those of you who appreciate the old fashioned Biblical approach to marriage and family books by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, you can hear them online at a few different discussions at OnePlace.com. Based on Ephesians 5:33 -

"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

HomeWord with Jim Burns : A Woman's Guide to the Mind of a Man (Part 1) - "In a landmark survey, author Shaunti Feldhahn asked several thousand men what they really want WOMEN to know about them. Parenting and family expert Dr. Jim Burns talks with Shaunti Feldhahn about the results of her research."

HomeWord with Jim Burns : A Man's Guide to the Heart of a Woman (Part 1) - "When it comes to understand what women want, most men are pretty clueless. Parenting and family expert Dr. Jim Burns talks with Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn - a husband and wife research team who have discovered tips for sharing with men "A Man's Guide to the Heart of a Woman."" (2 parts total)

Focus on the Family - Dr. James Dobson : What Men Need to Know About Women 1 - "Many husbands are clueless when it comes to understanding how their wives think and feel, even after years of marriage. If you're one of those husbands - or if you're a wife who wants to be better understood by her husband - today's program is especially for you. Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn offer insightful marital advice from their book For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women.
"Men love their wives ... but they really don't know how to communicate it in a way that is effective with their wives because they just don't think that they can understand them." - Jeff Feldhahn" (there are 3 parts total in this series of talks)

NOTE - these are NOT sermon tapes, but interviews with authors. Also, the radio show websites are trying to raise money for these programs, and you will hear that reflected in the opening and closing remarks. That aside, the thoughts shared in the discussions between the authors and the program hosts may give you something to think about, and Biblical standards seem to be upheld. Let me know if there's anything that goes against God's will for marriage and family, and I will post that here.

You can listen to these radio slots on your Real Player or Windows Media, or download the mp3 for free through the oneplace website.

Interesting.

"Living Apart... Together"

Click on the above title to read the article at MSNBC. It's not old-fashioned. It's not a 100% lady, though she's got potential. They're not actually Godly either. Just two happily married people with children, living in the city, who don't live together.

They're real people. And apparently they're not the only ones living this way.

Maybe I'm just "rubber necking", as they call it - turning to look at something and possibly wasting time at it because it's just so unbelievable and yet real.

I cannot actually think of anything to say after reading it, because, thoughtful lady that she was, she pretty much thought of anything that we might be thinking and addressed it in the article: why, how, what were you thinking, what about the kids, your friends, is this selfishness ... ?

And in the words of my beloved little brother, "Hey, I think this milk is going bad. You try it."

Dressing with Joy at the Wedding

above image of a 1988 wedding from fashion-era.com

Alternatives to modern barely-there swim wear are available, as I reported in an earlier entry, "Dress with Joy this Swimwear Season."

Alternatives to modern "sexy" bridal gowns are also available. I'm sure there is a listing somewhere else as well (such as at ModestClothes.com/modest formal dresses), but I'll provide here a list of some websites with beautiful photos of bridal gowns that glorify the purity and beauty of a new bride. Most of these sites also provide dresses for the bridal party, as well as formal wear for other special occasions.

[Personal note: after reading several articles about and praying about living modestly and simply, as in the previous articles, I think that it is also possible to buy, borrow, rent or make a wedding dress for a modest amount of money; but you must look carefully and think creatively. You may even consider breaking the whole "bridal gown" tradition in favour of using what would have been spent on a gown for good works; but that, of course, is up to you.] above image from BridalImage.com

Let me first remind you of my understanding of my thoughts on dressing with joy and pride when appearing in a formal situation:

* You don't need to be undressed to be pretty. Please have a look at these websites, and any others you can find in a web-search on "modest wedding gowns". The ladies that you see are extremely beautiful and classy. right image from Eternitygowns.com

* Dressing discretely at your wedding does not mean that you are ashamed of the body you are presenting to your new husband. The Christian lady will remember the description of the holy city being "adorned as a bride" for her husband, Christ. There is a sense of glory, beauty, wonder and even splendor in being dressed for him. The description of the woman's breasts as being something to satisfy really are directed toward her husband and no one else. He should be able to "rejoice in the wife of his youth" and be satisfied with her breasts - can he do that if everyone else is rejoicing in them too? If either the bride or the groom wants to show off what he's got, that is considered pride, and it also places her body as a prize rather than something which he will cherish as precious and special for him alone (as illustrated in Song of Solomon).

* Men do not just need to learn to live with women baring their chests in public. They really don't.image from Allposters.com
Here's an article on how to pick your modest bridal gown: "Modest Wedding Dresses for Every Kind of Girl," from Buzzle.com, which begins with these lines: "I think it would be safe to say that today most brides prefer sleeveless wedding dresses. However, you might be surprised to know that many brides prefer modest wedding dresses and you might be even more surprised that they look lovely in them." (This article was written in January 2007) Published in January 2006, is "The Hunt for a Modest Wedding Dress", showing that women were looking for alternatives to the modern styles without being "frowsy" a long time ago, such as online sites, what to tell your seamstress, or how to do it yourself. You see, it is not impossible to retain your modesty and dignity if you really want to. See also the articles under the topic "Modest Wedding Dress" at LoveToKnow.com, for more descriptions and help on finding the perfect dress for your once in a lifetime occasion.

None of the following websites paid me for promoting them. The fact that these are listed does not mean that you will approve of every thing that you see, nor need you. These websites are merely provided to present you with a list of some of what IS available as an alternative to the modern strapless or very low cut bridal gown. This list is also not a complete list, and does not include dresses for sale on ebay or craigslist.org. Please, pass on the link to this article if you know of anyone who says, "But there just AREN'T any decent wedding gowns out there!"

Totally Modest
Latter Day Brides
Victoria's Bridal
Eternity
Kathleen's Bridal
Simply Elegant
A Formal Choice
Bonny; Bliss collection
The Bridal Online Store
Gowns by Simple Elegance
Anastasia Modest Bridal
Dress of a Lifetime
Carilynn's Modest Wedding Collection
Lydia of Purple
Katrina Marie Designs
Bridal Fantasies
Legacy Bridal
Simcha Wear

Living Happily Ever After

A Merry Rose: Blooming as Keeper of My Home
... wrote a brilliant article on relating to the "strong, silent type". Since old fashioned ladies tend to appreciate these types of men (see Jane Austen's novels), they should learn to live with them.

Coffee Wife at The Walled Garden
... also wrote a sweet little piece with her take on showing appreciation for our knight in shining armor, which I really appreciate.

My choice, His life: Godly by Choice-Part 4 in a discussion on Biblical Womanhood

This article is so much better than I worded it when trying to convince a young Christian woman, who is a friend of mine, that I really DID make a choice to live my life the way it is. Please read, and skim through this lovely lady's other articles. Knowing that old fashioned ladies still exist in the world gives me hope to carry on being who I was made to be.
My choice, His life: Godly by Choice-Part 4 in a discussion on Biblical Womanhood