True Woman '08

Are you aware that you can read, watch and listen to the lessons shared and prayed over at the True Woman Conference in 2008? When you have some time, check into these resources. Old fashioned is new and refreshing...

Stay At Home Dads

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A dear young Brother in Christ wrote to me and asked the following:

"There's this very strange movement that is recently emerging into the scene and showing its ugly head on the internet blogspots. I think you've mentioned it to me before but there are actually men out there (human beings of the male sex) who are actually remaining home and looking after the kids, housework and such while their wives are out earning an income. They're called "stay-at-home dads", it sounds extremely outlandish and absurd, I couldn't really believe that there were such men who would make such an outrageous choice. But anyways, it is a matter of fact and they're growing rather rapidly and have increased quite astronomically. I think there are approximately two million alone in the United States if I'm not mistaken. I wanted to inquire into this so I went to google it, but did not find anything sound from the Christian webpages. It is also a lamentable fact that many churches are actually condoning it, and there are many actual professing bible-believing "christians" who are going down this path. Do you know anything of this? Or is the media hype a bit exaggerated? Do you have any Christian articles that debunks this movement?"

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I posted the letter anonymously in a private discussion group and received a great deal of feedback, which I include below.

But first, what does the scripture say?


Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

1 Peter 3 "7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Also read: Proverb 31, 1 Corinthians 11 and the contentious woman Proverbs: 25:24; 21:19; 19:13; 27:15 which deal with the woman leaving her role.

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The following are comments that were made by Christian women to my personal blog:

"Titus 2 says that older women are to teach younger women to be keepers at home (busy at home, working at home). Therefore, any man who takes on the woman's role is effeminate (taking on the female role/qualities) and emasculated (putting off the male role/qualities). Such a man is defiant against God's design for male and female roles (perhaps out of ignorance).

I Timothy 5 teaches that it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his wife, children, and relatives. Paul says that a man who fails to work and provide is worse than an unbeliever."

"A person that has not decided to stop living for themselves and live for Christ will not be ready to accept this teaching.

One of the greatest consequences of this switch in roles manifests it self in the lack of spiritual leaders that are ready to fight spiritual battles. Our men need to be on the front lines of this battle: Ephesians 6:10-20, Romans 10:14-17, 1 Timothy 3:1-13, 2 Timothy 4:5. When we take our warriors and keep them at home we are setting ourselves up for certain loss."

"Perhaps a warning could read: Men, be strong and courageous ... LEAD! Women, be strong and courageous, stop controlling and let them lead! It takes more courage and strength to be led than it does to be in control."

"One friend wrote anonymously, and I wanted to share the thought, since many men have been forced into this situation: "Due to his physical disabilities, [a man I know] was forced into this role out of necessity and HATED it. I can't fathom why any self-respecting man would choose it.""

"I believe part of it is because the feminist movement has taught women to be unhappy with the best career in the world, to be a homemaker and/or mother.

I do not believe that it is wrong for a woman to earn money, the worthy woman obviously did, but I believe its obvious from those scriptures it was from things that she made at home because of all of the other things she did, it is quite the undertaking to do all of the mentioned and hold a job outside of the home.

There is nothing new under the sun, there had to be a reason there were scriptures admonishing women how they should act (Titus 2, Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11, etc.). God did not create us equal, he sees us as equal in the respect that our souls are valued the same, but he made us different. He has specific rules laid out for both genders and for a while I resisted them because I had friends and the world telling me that I shouldn't be happy staying at home even without children. It is so hard to do good for others, to fulfill my role as a wife and a Christian woman without being at home.

Now I understand that there are some circumstances where the woman must work, but I believe they are over exaggerated, if we would stop listening to society and live within our means."

"I think the outgrowth of the stay-at-home dads is just the natural (really unnatural) progression of the feminist movement. If women ARE actually the SAME as men, why not? (said facetiously.)

The fact of the matter is that this is not the Lord's plan. Women are to be home keepers, men the providers. That's the way God designed it.

And I believe that there is a REASON for this design, beyond the natural order of authority. Men grow into Godly men by carrying the burden of provision for their families. They sacrifice self, and learn many godly characteristics as they bear their responsibility to lead and provide for their families. In the same way, we wives grow more godly as we lay our lives down in service to our families. I believe that this is the explanation for the verse in I Tim. that speaks of women being "saved in childbearing." "

"It seems a natural progression that with women taking on the role of provider that men would take on the primary role of keepers at home (Titus2-role for women). However, I would like to see an increase in the time that the fathers spend at home. A father need not neglect his responsibilities to the rearing and instruction of his children because he is fullfilling obligations as the breadwinner. Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is certainly hard to do with fathers spending only 6.4 hours (I think I read that was the average now) a week with their children."

"While I wholeheartedly promote the biblical example, I do like the trend today that was absent in the era of my childhood that fathers actually spend time with their kids and know them, thus knowing what they need."

"I think Dads who stay at home and "work from home" are still providing for their families, and not "kicking the wife out" of her place either, for the most part. The movement of the "home office" seems to be a pretty good one to me, in the sense that it will have fathers around their children to bring them up properly. I think the question above to be addressed really concerns the man who claims to be a man of God, and who chooses to send his wife into the world to make money for the family, while he stays at home to manage the home and children. "

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Also - I came across this blog article (in Jess' Making Home blog) discussing this same topic: "It Starts With the Head", by Terry, who writes the blog "Ornaments of Grace". I encourage you to read this article and the comments made to it for more old fashioned, Christian thought and encouragement in this matter.

Volumes could be written, but very little will be said in the end that can go beyond the simplicity of Genesis 2:18. As one lady pointed out, those who do not have a Godly mindset will not understand this subject, as it comes from the authority of holy scriptures.

(To myself, I wonder how many honest non-believers though can look at the evidence of the world's experience and science, psychology and tradition, and not see the truth of these things: that there is a way that is best, and to ride that smooth path is actually easier and more peaceful in the end than to fight it on the ground of selfish ambition.)

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A Christian Brother also responded to my post: "Except for brief periods of time, e.g. school, or if the husband is disabled and cannot do work outside the home (although I would inquire whether some business could be conducted from the home)." If the problem is that Dads aren't nurturing their children, and that's the reason that a man chooses to "stay at home", then it seems reasonable to expect that he won't sacrifice his wife's responsibilities or the family well being by leaving all work. I did come across one interesting blog/website encouraging Dads to stay at home with their kids by working from their home. Called "Christian Work at Home Dads". It's really not that hard.

Feminism

Revive Our Hearts, with Nancy Leigh DeMoss, has been providing a series called: "Journey From Feminism to Freedom: A Conversation with Carolyn McCulley and Jennifer Epperson". Each lesson is about 25 minutes long, and you can listen from OnePlace with Windows Media, Real Media, or by downloading the mp3 file.

1. Floating Into Feminism Jennifer Epperson thought getting married was like being swallowed up, so she had no interest in tying the knot. But on today's program, you'll hear about her journey toward transformation. "In my particular case, what I saw was: A married woman has her identity swallowed up by the man. I think there was something intrinsically fearful in my soul of being disempowered because I was a woman. ... "I think taking those stands and saying, “I will not . . . I will never . . .” were some type of insurance that my fearful soul was trying to put up, “No, don’t swallow me up. No, I don’t want to become insignificant.” "
   


2. Is Man the Enemy? At one point in her life, Jennifer Epperson enjoyed watching men squirm under her harsh words, but then a big change came over her. Join in as Nancy continues a compelling conversation with Jennifer. "Women are tempted by their sin natures to compete with men. This is something that I came to understand ... that concept of the curse for women and that Hebrew word tshuwqah, which means "to have a desire for, a desire not sexual, but a desire to dominate and to master." That's always inherent in our life, and that came out in full force, in full bore, through feminism."
   


3. Submission Impossible How does the biblical concept of submission work in the real world? Can a woman be submissive if she's the manager of male and female employees? Join in as Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Jennifer Epperson tackle these tough questions. "As a single woman, I don’t have a husband to submit to, but there are plenty of other biblical categories for me to submit in—to my pastor, to my boss, to other people as they have authority in my life. ... "I can either use the gifts that God has given me to build them up and to encourage them because I know what God is calling us to, or I can try to build myself up through demanding their time and attention, which never works."


4. Making the Most of God A lot of women feel like the biblical idea of submission squashes their gifts and talents, but God knows better! Join in for this discussion about submission and God’s glory. "As I approached Ephesians 5:22 we read, “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything” (verses 23-24, NLT). ... "I couldn’t get beyond the fact that Christ never changes places with the church. So wives never change places with their husbands with regard to the role because there is an allegory there. "
   

About "Ladies Against Feminism"

I found this a most wonderful website, dedicated to the proposition that I agree with. It must then, be good. :) Here's a bit of their "about" page. I have also added a link to their site on my list of links, so that you may peruse their website and read some of the information. Something to think about.

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Jun 14, 2003

This site is dedicated to the proposition that men and women are not identical creatures. Are we equal in human worth? Yes. Equal before the throne of grace? Absolutely. Equal in dignity? Indeed. But when it all boils down to it, if you insist that "equal" means exactly the same, you will have to fly in the face of biology, historical fact, biblical Truth and just plain common sense. In many ways, woman is not equal to man; and, by the same token, man is not equal to woman. They are different creatures with differing roles. Will we complement each other in our distinctive, God-given roles, or will we tear each other to shreds in a territorial dispute? LAF promotes the former. We are for maidenhood, modesty, virtue, intelligence, womanly arts and femininity. Join the new revolution!

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"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - Phil. 4:8